Good Stuff, Good Smells + A Trip Down T-Shirt Lane
Human Repeller... I haven't heard that name in years....
Hellooooo. Today I have quite a few things to show you that have been making my life better in the weeks since my emotional Ground Zero, from smells to stick-on nails, but the reason for this free bonus post is because I want to resurrect a few of the ancient (read: 4+ years old) texts from when this blog was named Human Repeller and was hosted on Wordpress. You can’t find most of them online anymore, and I honestly think some of my most creative work was done before Substack and Shopmy and debt turned my heart into a withered little raisin, so today’s new-old post is one from August 2022 on inventive ways to wear stupid, gross old T-shirts. Enjoy the pre-timeskip content, but please pretend you love me and my writing even more now xoxox
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If you cannot afford the $5/month, I totally understand—respond to any of my email sends and I will set you up with a $1.50 subscription or comp you, whatever you need. Esque is for everyone!
Thank you SO MUCH for your support, whatever you are able and willing to do to help is extremely valuable to me and I’m honored to be a small part of your life on the web.
A whole lotta Snif
As you know, I have loved the original Crumb Couture in both EDT and candle form for months, so I was delighted to discover that CC Almond keeps its predecessor’s creamy toastiness while replacing the jammy swirl with a hit of marzipan that quickly fades into a surprisingly long-lasting (for an EDT) crispy, crunchy musk.
My newest Snif acquisitions are this pear of EDTs in collaboration with fragrance influencer “Professor Perfume,” Honey Suite and Vow Factor. Both are better than I honestly expected—Vow Factor I appreciate for letting its forward fig note stay green instead of forcing it into a creamy composition of coconut, which many fig fragrances are wont to do. Instead, it stays delicate and fresh with prominent splashes of Rose and neroli, finished off with a light muskiness from ambrette seeds. It doesn’t project almost at all, but it stays close to the skin for hours on end (and for $25, chucking the travel size in your bag isn’t much of a big deal). My favorite, however, is Honey Suite, which reminds me of an Amphora Parfum composition in its unabashed, sensual treacliness, though its lower concentration means that it never feels overwhelmingly sugary. A hint of booziness (you REALLY want to let this one dry down for a full minute before judging it) recalls my beloved Spiritcask as well. for anyone looking for a surprisingly sophisticated but SWEET SWEET scent on a budget, Honey Suite is the Snif for you IMO.
My surprise favorite of the holiday candle scents (not counting my obsession with Pumpkin Smash) is Lost Claus, of which I sadly only snagged a single votive in a holiday set. I have never seen vetiver used in such a decidedly non-summery, non-green fashion, instead harnessing its spicy side along with more traditional wintry garnishes like cinnamon and nutmeg to create an almost church-y, sacred holiday scent. Like, this smells as if it could have been burning in the manger where baby J was born (and that’s coming from a Jew who knows nothing of the occasion). A shot of toasty marshmallow keeps the whole thing from getting too harsh on the nose, and I am so glad I chose to use a candle warmer instead of burning this votive so its mellow-but-invigorating scent will, with luck, last me ‘till spring.
Olive and June press-on nails
The reason for any typos you see in this post is certainly these Olive and June press-ons, which I have not figured out how to perform tasks such as typing in quite yet.
I hate painting my stubby, kid-like nails, so being able to choose a color the brand offers in polish form but worn as an elegant, utterly unattainable (for me) almond shape, was catnip to my depressed self longing for an attainable change. Social Studies is the perfect faded T-shirt navy—it’s darker and bluer than the above photo IRL:
Catching the rare PDX sun in my much-adored Vada Siren sunglasses.
The application was easy enough for a clumsy dummy like myself to do in dim lighting (use LESS GLUE than you think you need, because if it gets on the front of the nail, it ain’t coming off) and they include like 3x as many nails as are shown in the front of the packaging, with sizes that accommodated everything from my thick-ass thumb to my barely-there pinky.
I really love the almond shape and think I’d stick with it in the future (the coffins are cool but intimidating), and I would like more iterations on a textured French Manicure like the one above. I’d definitely wear a cheetah French if it were done in shades of brown.
Speaking of brown, people with darker-hued skin especially would look SOOOOO good with these subtle aura nails—I hope they do more colors of this design. I’d love a subtle aura to match every skin tone, and then one in blue or purple.
Typing in these is MISERABLE, I have to say. I haven’t had many other problems, though!
Iota + Táche Pistachio Milk Latte lip treatment
The magnanimous and brilliant (read their book The House of Beauty!) Arabelle Sicardi sent me a care package when they learned of my past few weeks of foul fate, and my favorite thing in it was this lip treatment, which is genuinely the only thing I’ve ever put on my lips that has made me put down the Aquaphor for once. It’s rich and sumptuous without getting gloopy or tacky—it’s actually kind of grainy with, I assume, pistachio fibers or something? when you first apply it but it quickly smooths into a compulsively wearable treat that fully feels, smells, and “tastes” (from the little I’ve ingested, I’m not guzzling it) like straight-up pistachio butter. I told Arabelle it makes me feel like Peanut Butter Baby to apply this, in a good way (if you don’t understand that reference, you are too young to be reading this blog).
Nodpod weighted sleep mask
As I reported the other week, MacKinley Jade got me into the Nodpod game, and now that I’ve slept with it for a week plus, I can tell you that it’s legit—the eyeball weight is a much safer (I assume, especially now that I have claws) alternative to my autistic (I think that’s what it’s from?) tendency to press on my eyes with fists as I fall asleep, and the temperatures on both warmer and cooler side are fantastic to switch between as I regulate myself before dropping off. No smell of plastic from the beads inside—no smell at all, in fact. I love it.
Dieux Instant Angel moisturizer
Finally, this moisturizer—I won’t say you have to drop everything to go buy it. The thick Vanicream in the tub with the pump will get the job done, and nothing has blessed my skin like Flower Balm. However, I will say that I woke up on Jan 1 after being broken up with at midnight, hungover, dried out, and swollen from sobbing, and looked like a normal person after applying this moisturizer, so that’s something. I put it on bare skin, then prescription tret, then Vanicream or Flower Balm to seal the deal.
Ok, now, the vintage Esque née Human Repeller!
Note: I’m sure 90% of the below links don’t work and 90% of the clothing items below are either floating around Buenos Aires or were lost to my ex’s family’s storage unit. Sad, but they live on through this post :-)
How to Wear the “Unwearable” T-Shirts Rotting in Your Closet
Originally posted August 4, 2022
I am a T-Shirt fiend. I am compelled at bands’ merch tables, vintage stores, manga shops, beachside souvenir shacks–it’s a problem, especially because the typical basic or merch-y tee seemingly has NO styling potential. If you Google “how to wear a graphic tee” you will be barraged with articles suggesting you “pair it with pants” or, if they’re mavericks, a “fun skirt.”
Here are a few styling ideas that address common issues with these kinds of shirts: stained, not exciting enough, bad logo emblazoned on the chest, etc.
Your Bane, a Stain
I got this shirt for free from a yard “sale.” I am a card-carrying Schoolhouse Rock proponent with an Interplanet Janet tattoo, and this cost zero dollars, so its acquisition was a no-brainer. It fits great and is in perfect quality… except for what I hope and pray is a bleach stain on the collar. Of course I washed it before wearing, and the stain isn’t the end of the world, but I don’t love its placement or color.
A great way to deal with stains is just patch over ’em, but if a patch isn’t available or would look weird in the spot the stain is in, or if you just want to give the T more dimensionality and movement, tie a scarf or bandana into a bow or knot and pin it so it covers the mark. I like the way this bandana frames my shoulder and creates a gesture over my armpit. The fit is a little elementary school, but I’m pretty sure any outfit centered around Schoolhouse Rock would feel a little regressive. I kept it fun with my new favorite striped jeans I copped on sale and tabi sneakers in a chilled-out color (you know how I feel about “kidcore” (IF YOU SUB TO MY PATREON, THAT IS…) and I didn’t want to veer too hard in that direction.
This technique could actually come across as really elegant if you used a flowy scarf or a silky bow on a classier tee or blouse, and it would look just as interesting and hide a stain just as well on the chest, hemline, wherever.
It’s Just Too Big
I got my favorite Jujutsu Kaisen (the animanga that anyone who knows me IRL knows comprises 78% of my personality) tee on Mercari and didn’t realize the extent of the size discrepancy.
Instead of cropping a too-large tee, especially one with a sick graphic that it would be tragic to mess with (though my internet friend Bailey and I decided it’s actually legal and correct and not unhinged to get T-shirts tailored if need be), try wearing it either with a skirt that ruffles out just a few inches below the hemline (I tried to get this skirt even shorter, but was rolling up a maxi skirt and it started looking ridiculous so I stopped where I stopped) or a midi/maxi skirt like this Sunnei number. Either way, try to emphasize the boxy, billowy silhouette as opposed to fighting it with skinny pants or tighter shorts. You’re tryna get Roblox body here. Well, I am, at least. The short version works well with calf-length boots to further accentuate the clunkiness of the fit, while the longer version is more streamlined and pairs better with slingbacks like these. Cap referencing a different anime required, just to keep the other weebs guessing.
Emblazoned With Logo of Ex’s Venture
Turned inside-out in the above pic for his sake (he’s a nice dude and his venture is cool, he was just 33 and “not ready to consider his future” which, fair, but not for me), this shirt has a nice color and construction, with a high collar and thick material, but I didn’t loooove repping the venture. Maybe you have a few tees like this too, like, uh, a Warren 2020 shirt or something?
Anyway, my solution was to bunch up the tee in random ways that created lumps and bumps and a hemline I enjoyed, while hiding the logo, and pin it with big safety pins I got from the 99c store. Very Foo and Foo but cost me 99c instead of *redacted amount* (the guy I “dated” [we were very NOT official] gave me the shirt for free after i begged and whined for months and we “broke up” 3 days later, so the shirt was free). This is my favorite way to freak a tee. Worn with the same jeans (I’m very attached already) and now sold-out Nodress shoesies.
Structural Snore
I like this tee’s graphic, but its shape is very boring: no structural integrity, fabric not thick, collar not robust, a little too long. So, inspired by Phlemuns‘ classic tee (below), I cut a high arc into the back of the shirt, starting an inch or so away from the seams on each side (It would look weird if you started right at the seams, we’re going for a proper “U” shape, not a shallow parabola).
I was very rough and sloppy with this and it turned out pretty good. If you made a stencil and chalked out the arc, it would probably turn out amazing. You can make the arc as high or low as you want it and it’d look cool (as long as, as stated above, it’s a true “U” shape! If this doesn’t make sense, DM me on Instagram and I’ll explain). You can wear it just like this (looks especially good with cup marks ;)) or tie it in front with a ribbon, bandana, or piece of cloth (more on that below). Shorts are these, shoes are these, I think you can tell I kind of stopped thinking about the fits at this point and was mostly thinking about how to freak the tees. Oh well, use your imagination (or sub to the HR Patreon for more real, hard, life changing fits)!
This would also look sick cut in the front to show some underchest if you’re into that!
Simply Unwearable
I went into the 99c store by my apartment “inebriated” one day and in a great mood. I left with $20 worth of random crap I couldn’t really wear because I am autistic and the fabric felt like it was woven with fiberglass, that’s how uncomfortable it was. Ah well! Heinous/uncomfortable/offensive/too small shirts are ripe for the scavenging. My favorite way to do this is to cut them into strips and use to tie other, BETTER shirts (as in the previous section) either at the hemline or around the shoulder, demonstrated below with a bandana. You can also tie these strips into bows and use them for stain coverage as I suggested in the first section.
Perfect Pit Stains
I stole this shirt from my sister (who will only know this if she reads my blog, great litmus test, right) and it’s the perfect size, material, and cut for a white tee but has noticeable pit stains (from both my sister and I, I will not let her go down without going down alongside her. This remedy needs some workshopping, but I think I’m on to something: create a mini-shirt by cropping a 99c store tee way too short (like, over your nipples if you can) and pinning it in an interesting way (like in the center of the chest, as below) or letting it hang over the undertee.
Does Not Spark Joy
I love the show, of course, but this shirt was just not doing it for me! I sliced it open like a frog in a 9th grade bio lab, realized too late it looked cool with just the collar attached, took a fake photo to show how it WOULD have looked cool, then pinned it down the center with the trusty ol’ 99c store safeties. This would look cool and give you more coverage with a BUNCH of pins down the front, equally cool with just one at the collar or right in the middle.
Lol, hope you enjoyed that unseasonable trip down memory lane.
<3 ESK