I Am Uncomfortable
Soothe me, clothing!
I’m writing this after maybe three hours of sleep (excluding a half-hour I spent face-planted on a table in the common room of the hostel I’m staying at, to where I toted myself at 3 AM to escape the bed-shaking, two-layers-of-headphones-penetrating snores of an old woman who had earlier swan dived off a top bunk and refused my help but did accept a bed switch [and I hate a top bunk]), so please excuse any spelling or grammatical mistakes that are worse than in my usual (always unedited—a sanity choice, not a style one) missives!
As you may have surmised or experienced for yourself, living out of a suitcase (and the errant shopping bag) without a home base, in a room with seven other potential snorers, is incredibly uncomfortable in a way I’m trying to frame for myself as character-building but in reality is just exacerbating my myriad aches and rendering me zonked come 1 PM every afternoon. For myself, I have to look nice at my first in-person job in three years, but the absolute last thing I want to do is amplify my daily discomfort with pinchy pants, insufficiently insulated footwear, or the like. I feel like I’ll spend my whole life learning how to walk that line. And that’s all not even considering my comfort level in regard to my gender presentation, but I’ve waxed and waned about that in past posts, I’m sure. Below is a collection of pieces and fits that have been on my radar in this dialectical styling moment—things I think (??) might make me feel more secure in this extremely uncomfortable moment of my life.
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This is such and ideal winter fit, with a color palette I’d never seen before—the purpley taupe of the skirt is something special—and a jester-like languor in its styling: sweater puffed out over the bag-bearing belt, striped cap peaked at the top, white tights cut off at the knee, etc. Would wear this down to the minutiae. Cawley is a great candidate for my “if I could only wear one brand” of the winter season.
I got served a Wawwa ad because my algo knows I’m in Oregon, where the constant state of things is Wet, and the above cap and below “smock” top and trousers are all made in 100% cotton treated to be, according to the demonstrations in each ad, extremely water repellent. Tempted to cop before the pre-sale discount ends because the idea of having a uniform in which I’m all but guaranteed to feel dry every day is tantalizing, to say the least, plus I like the muted cobalt and forest green colorways enough that I can envision reaching for the set often. I’m not sure about the Holden Caulfield cap, but I think it would look cute on me despite my reservations.
I also think I’m entering a phase in my life in which I have learned to value an elastic, pull-on waistband, as seen here and a bit below.
Scarves were so foreign to me growing up in Southern California—I thought of them solely as fashion items and couldn’t imagine they made much of a difference to one’s body temperature. Ten years in “real winter” taught me how foolish that was, and now a good scarf sets my heart ablaze. Though the above and below are knit in acrylic—not ideal—their references to Ghost in the Shell and one of my favorite films, Fallen Angels, make them hard to pass up, especially for such a fair price.
I can’t find any pictures of how this scarf looks on a neck—that plus the shipping costs to the US are the only reasons I haven’t jumped on this already. It would go great with my Fallen Angels cap.
I ordered this bag for $80 after seeing someone with a brown version on TikTok (RIP?)—I have been looking for a reasonably professional, less-incriminating-than-an-anime-tote purse for a long while, and this bucket bag seems to fit the vibe precisely, maintaining the always-at-the-ready ease of access I value in a tote. Will let you know how it goes when it arrives.
I like this Madewell bucket tote, but I prefer the Coach version’s longer strap, thicker-seeming leather, and external pocket.
Arggghhhh I wanted these pants—again, of the pull-on variety—and they must’ve sold out in the past 24 hours. I tried them on in a shop up here and they run a bit small, FYI. These fit me well, length-wise, as a very short person, and I love their namesake arc panels sewn into either side. I will hopefully be able to snag a pair for daily wear once they’re back in stock.
I recently did some research on all-red runway looks for the great
, who is a true pro at this specific monochrome, so I was inspired when I saw this perfect fit by Yulia. The pants are hiked SO high—nearly Loewe mens’ SS24 high, I love how the buttons on the waist are off-center while the buttons on the top go straight down the middle, I love what seems to be a velveteen texture (red velvet is criminally underutilized), I love the patent accessories, I love that the cross necklace is just the right shade of red to nearly disappear into the shirt, I love the peek of red at the cuff, I love the knife point of the boot, I love the slicked-back hair. I wish the shopping bag were thin, crinkly patent leather, but this is a flawless outfit nonetheless, and somehow I always feel really solid in a look when it’s a bright monochrome, though that’s a rare occurrence for me (I want to change that).
Very Irene-coded look—I like that the shoes are blue! Completely changes the look as opposed to black pumps.
This woman, Qin Huilan, is one of my top five most influential fashion plates on social media. Do yourself a favor and go check out her whole canon. I’d look like a flight attendant drawn in grayscale by Junji Ito if I wore this, but she makes it work (and I would love to wear the heather gray/crimson combo in some other form.
I considered getting these socks—Doublesoul, the Pete Davidson hype machine notwithstanding, makes thick, quality socks and I love this color combo, but now it seems you can only grab this colorway as part of an $140 set, which I am not eager to purchase.
Though Argentine brand Pineapple’s shoes seem kind of thin-soled, when I lived down there I wore a single pair of its Mary Janes in cobalt basically every night to clubs without issue, and my feet are famously painful. I really like this dance shoe-esque style and these are the perfect shade of cream (though I’d defile them instantly).
More dance-y shoes—feels so random that LA Apparel shills Capezio, but a few months ago I went down a rabbit hole of split-soled and jazz shoes, not because I’m dying to bust a move but because I think the segmented look greatly elevates the sneaker silhouette.
I’ve wanted wedges since I saw @ageorama rock a few pairs this past year, but I’d never spend much money on them, as I don’t know their comfort factor yet (n.b. I HATE it when people say “comfortability.” It’s COMFORT!). To me, they look both retro and new-agey and make legs look curvy without skewing too delicately feminine.
I love this green wash, and though I don’t like the look of the lug-like sole from this angle, I’m sure it would make walking a much safer and more pleasant experience.
I need a new sweatsuit, so I was browsing LA Apparel (I’ve really been nostalgic for AA for some reason, I guess!), and I loved this color combo featuring the “Poly Pleated Straight Leg Pant”—I had never given army green x cobalt a passing thought before, but now that I own the infamous blue Adidas Gazelles, I am interested. Very interested. That said, I can’t tell if I like the shade of olive of this sweat set—what do you think? It feels a bit too dull, but maybe it’d translate better in-person:
I went off on a tangent exploring the other LAA pants offerings (I suffer from a condition with which I somehow never have enough pants and always have too many anime T-shirts), and I’m wondering if these, in their ideal Kelly green, would be good in the PNW rain:
I like the price, at least! and the roll-down waistband feels so popular girl in middle school P.E. in a way that I sometimes crave to embody.
This gorgeous look by Toyin perfectly encapsulates what I’m looking for, gender-wise, right now in my style: the Martine Rose jersey is the ideal base for a leather jacket (something so wrong yet so right about pairing a nylon jersey with a leather jacket—the two ends of the sweat-inducing spectrum circle into each other), the pinned-up skirt is simple genius and has sent me searching for a slit-front skirt with which to replicate this almost cargo-like effect, and the uncomfortably red bag juxtaposed with the largely neutral fit is electrifying.
I burn with envy for those who can wear a swingy, flouncy little polka dot shirt-dress and no facial hair and still look stunningly, statuesquely masculine. God bless Ramp Tramp Tramp Stamp for its model casting—I want to go to Australia SO BADLY right naur.
Me pretending it’s not an average of 40 degrees outside right now.
Lastly, this scent is absolutely incomparable. Boozy without being astringent or reminding you of your last hangover, sweet but not cloying, like the first bite of a precisely-constructed dessert at a Michelin-starred restaurant. I spray this in my scarf, wrap my face in it, and survive winter.
Thanks for being here! I’ll be back soon.
<3 ESK
Thank you forever for suggesting Qin Huilan as a muse. She has answered so many questions for me about how to dress as I'm suddenly obsessed with fashion again at 56. This substack is the best!
Ran here to say the LA Apparel heavy weight sweatpants are THE best sweats I’ve ever worn. They wear in beautifully, have had mine for 3 years now and are still in great condition.