I Hate a White Wedding Dress
Unless I can laugh at it.
I had a dream last night in which I was getting married (I don’t know to whom), and my entire extended family showed up (I should have known it was a dream by that fact alone), but I had nothing to wear—I rummaged through a bag of wrinkled clothes, trying to cobble together a reasonable look out of what seemed to be cheapo trend pieces vaguely resembling clothes I’d actually wear, the kind a well-meaning older person would buy me on Shein—I remember resigning myself to a bright teal button-down with ruffled pads on the bust, kind of like this top by By Fonseca (thanks to Dione Davis for reminding me where I’d seen it!):
Was this my “something blue?” It was much uglier in the dream—I’m looking at this and kind of wanting to wear it to a wedding now…
All I remember other than that was refusing, even in dreamland, to wear a white dress from the bag for the wedding.
I’m not going to lie, I feel like there’s something irrevocably demeaning about the white dress. It can be beautiful, delicious, even, but at the end of the day, one simply cannot divorce a white wedding dress from patriarchal lineages of the heterosexual virginity fetish. No matter how much you punk it up, no matter how gay you and your partner are, no matter if you wear a suit or a whale tale, the wedding white will always signal an attachment, though it may simply be nostalgic, to a tradition with frankly creepy origins. I have never seen a bride wearing white and thought they looked particularly empowered. I know this is an incredibly personal and complicated conversation to present as a one-sided polemic, but this is my blog, so I’m gonna level with you all!
Since you can’t escape the undeniable implications of oppression and adherence to patriarchal tradition while wearing a white wedding dress, the most successful, compelling, and straight-up beautiful I’ve seen all employ a sense of humor to foment and complicate the icon of the white dress. Below are several I do feel extreme tenderness toward, though you still won’t catch me getting married in one—I would love to own most of these for other occasions, though, and I’m not ruling out a Sheena Ringo-esque photoshoot on a subway.
Note: If you got/are getting married in a white wedding dress, you’re probably still cool! This is just my personal peeve. Peeve is a great pet name, btw
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One of the most subtle but deeply gorgeous (I’d wear this ANY DAY but my own wedding) executions of this I’ve seen to date is this one by Lucille Reynolds:
For more on the pannier resurgence, visit
, but what I see here that excites me are a) the fact that the dress is a custom 1/1 b) the shredded skirt hanging thickly off of the c) hula-hoopish hips while the crinkled bodice is d) layered under a pointy-tipped corset-like bodice. All together, these aspects comprise a dress that seems straight from a fairytale—as in it looks like mice assembled it, it can take an evil stepmother’s beating and still look resplendent, and it’d kill on a dance floor.The dress is delicate but unfussy—I wouldn’t be as terrified to stain or tear it as I would, say, a Danielle Frankel. It is a sculpture in and of itself but it doesn’t dominate the wearer, it looks romantic but gives the bride a built-in circumference of personal space, and it reads as so incredibly comfortable compared to the off-the-shoulder or long-sleeved dresses that seem to require constant adjustment. Whoever styled the creamy corset over the dress (Reynolds I assume) deserves a freaking Nobel prize. The way it adds a whole dimension, making the gown look both more dramatic and more hardy without sacrificing any refinement? The pair looks so supportive I doubt a bra is even necessary. I think this dress, both with and without the bodice topper, is one of the best dresses of any color I’ve seen in my entire life, and a large reason as to why that is is it allows itself to be a little cheeky, with a skirt like rain sliding in sheets off a parasol and a devilishly pointed bodice neckline. Bravo.
The entire new Cawley bridal line is undeniably gorgeous, with rich silk dupion and sculpted ruffles abounding (N.B. I reported this week on the fact that ruffle stocks will be up in 2025 in my new role as News Editor at Haloscope). Katie Merchant (above) wears the label well—the ideal city hall skirt suit NEEDS a touch of “sexy secretary in Whoville” to not look like bleak Banana Republic sponcon, and this is a job well done. I almost wish there were one more layer—a lace petticoat just peeking out from under the skirt in optic white to vibrate against its creaminess. As for dresses, these two I’d wear, again, any day other than my wedding:
Perfectly body-obscuring proportions, perfect boat neck that reminds me of this p e r f e c t (i luv to rite) dress from Nosferatu which I will not be seeing:
The ruffle at the squared-off neckline genuinely made me shriek with lust. Is that anything like the plot of Nosferatu?
More ruffles! These are crunchy but almost lasagna-like in their wheaty color and pinchy layers. Great functional bows at the shoulders, too (I will not wear a bow unless it’s functional, I’ve decided), and pairing it with a sailor hat should be illegal—too damn cute.
I just think there are plenty more fits in the Cawley canon that would be lovely for a wedding and aren’t a shade of white, cream, or ivory.
Continuing the trend of extreme volume, if you’re going to evoke the Young Girl (virgin) at the altar, why not go FULL BABYDOLL? I’m only half kidding, as I love this Vaquera number that I believe is now sold out (though the cute rosette ankle monitor case [it’s just a pouch] is $545 at SSENSE and I think we will see huge ankle adornments get big this year. A great way to balance out a poofy mini).