Please Dress Weirder at Your Wedding
A case for the perverse over the patriarchal.
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My offering this week is of inspiration, some shoppable, for dressing perversely on your wedding day. I went to the most beautiful wedding of my life a few months ago (love you, Jay and Adrian!), and both grooms did wear white for their ceremony, which I think works if the dynamics and aesthetics of the couple pass an ineffable threshold of mascness (which this one did with FLYING colors). I’m wading into dangerously prescriptive territory here, but I’ve already made my feelings fairly clear in a previous post: I do not understand why we keep wearing white wedding dresses.
Now that people are FINALLY coming around to the fact that a wife taking her husband’s last name upon marriage is not just conceptually problematic but genuinely impractical (or dangerous, given all the creepy legislation being pushed against trans people that renders even cis name-changers collateral), I wonder how much longer the vice grip the ivory frock has on even the most progressive fiancees will hold. I kind of feel crazy that I don’t see more resistance to this tradition born of patriarchal fetish from a lot of the left-est people I know! Everyone looks gorgeous in their gowns, of course, but they continue to leave an eerie taste in my mouth.
There are so many extraordinary things one could wear to seal the deal, and below, I humbly suggest everything from chiffon-swept 70s gowns to Star Wars-ian hoods that not only bring a healthy dose of perverse levity and artistry to a special look but also cost thousands of ducats less than a Danielle Frankel Original likely worn by 43 other people on your wedding day. I hope this didn’t offend anyone too much—I wanna be invited to your weddings :’)
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The Nong Rak’s incredible creations in crumpled Thai silk often run under $500, create color combinations you couldn’t divine in your wildest dreams, and are PERFECT for marathon dance sessions, sloppy honeymoon packing, and pre-reception horniness with your newly spoused. I need more pre-wrinkled items in my closet, simply the best way to sublimate lazy garment care into a fashion statement. Imagining a pair both getting married in different iterations of this fabric makes me verklempt.
Another excellent option is this androgynous, modular, puffy suit by Sung Ju that toes the line between Little Prince, Starfleet commander, and monk. Perfect for cooler months.
For something more traditional, vintage Halston is the antidote to white dress saturation with its unimpeachable glamour and modest sexiness derived from its covered-up but rippling and slinky silhouettes. There isn’t a ton of reasonably-priced vintage Halston out there as far as I could see, but tons of stuff inspired by the style is ripe for the picking.
Sadly, this Yves Saint Laurent S/S 1978 semi-sheer top & skirt set is now sold, but it’s a great start to visualizing a Grecian goddess look, almost like a more re-wearable Di Petsa.
A hand-painted dress, like this one by Rhi Dancey and Tara Booth, is the perfect way to inject on-the-nose romance into your wedding look instead of having to look like a cake topper. Commission a fabric artist to paint your favorite fairy tale or myth onto a simple cotton frock and you have an entire look. If you wanna get extra freaky, self-insert with your spouse as characters in the scene.
The price tag on this one is a bit hefty, but my god, the layering, the draping, the netting, the perfect shades of blue-gray and champagne. The styling in this photo is also flawless: a netted sandal and renegade bundles of fabric on either side of the head situate this dress firmly in Ancient Greek siren territory.
If the siren look is too fussy or bright for you, try a Morticia Addams-goes-to-the-beach style crocheted dress with a deep V. wear barefoot and with a gnarled crown of dark roses around your forehead.
This is the most I’ve ever liked Miu Miu/least I’ve thought it looked poser-ish and overwrought. A spongy, sparkly set looks fancy even if the garments themselves are in casual cuts. Perfect for courthouse-to-club weddings.
This is an uncredited photo of a dude at Woodstock and it’s making a STRONG case for the cult leader poncho as a masc wedding outfit option.
The incredible House of Aama currently has this fit up for pre-order, and again, it’s a styling coup: the velveteen floral suit in subdued shades over the neon pink pussy bow deserves a Nobel prize.
Unfortunately, I had to mention Bode, but just for inspiration—PLEASE don’t pay $3,800 for a suede shawl jacket. Unless you make that kind of money, in which case,
Unfortunately, each Scroll Hair Clip runs $75, but if you’re saving thousands on a white wedding dress……….
I don’t think this particular piece is available right now, but anything by Hurtence would be an absolute GRAND SLAM of perversion at a wedding. The gesture to a veil in the above piece that plays with conventions of mourning garb as well as silly costume pieces like bunny ears is, in my mind, the ideal wedding accessory.
Another wild headpiece, this one from my beloved Fey Fey Worldwide via one of my favorite boutiques, Oakland’s Two Two. It modulates into hood, cape, top, and bag, perfect for quick changes and fast getaways from loathed relatives.
Of course Two Two carries this FREAKY pair of heels by the incredible Yohei Ohno, apparently based on this not-freaky-enough lounge chair designed by Marco Zanuso in 1952:
I like that the shoes look like they have ears, open blisters, or buns like a hot dog and I can see, like, a Haruki Murakami heroine wearing them with an otherwise completely straightforward and conservative outfit. Now that I think about it, with the ear imagery, that makes TOTAL sense.
I think the time to wear white on your wedding day is in your skivvies with your beloved at the end of the night. Then, your relationship with the tradition becomes smarmy and knowing instead of awkwardly performative—there are no illusions of virginity at play here, that’s for sure. What better white garment than the actual v-neck camisole Nicole Kidman wore in Eyes Wide Shut, as sleuthed out by Tara González for her newsletter
?
Yes, it’s devastatingly expensive for something so spill-sensitive, but the pairing of the “modestly” high neck with a nearly-sheer body and whisper-thin straps is the epitome of perverse sensuality.
I’d pair it with this Pauluschkaa skirt—no underwear, full bush, just as God intended.
Have a lovely rest of your week and thank you again for your support!
<3 ESK
Speaking of insane color combos and supreme dance-ability, where are the Julia Heuer brides?? I am considering marriage just for this: https://julia-heuer.com/products/kenza-skirt-in-metallic-silver or this https://julia-heuer.com/products/gaia-skirt-in-dark-raisa.
obsessed with this!! really want to dress weird for my wedding but struggling to find incredible cool weird options for xxl - any ideas?