This is How You Actually Predict Trends
Feat. John Waters' mustache, Sapeur swag, protective gear, and much more.
Hello! In the grand tradition of Esque, I am once again predicting trends that ACTUALLY HAVEN’T BEEN SEEN YET, neither on runways not in street style (correct me if I’m wrong, I am but a human). I always get annoyed when trend “predictors” “predict” what they’re already seeing—I know that’s probably how to do it, like, lucratively, but I prefer to make unhinged, throwing-spaghetti-at-the-wall declarations that completely undermine all common sense and aesthetic sensibility but somehow tend to come true anyway (see: hair, holes, skullcaps, and more). Below: fake mustaches, knee pads, Sapeur swag, and much more.
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Sellout Segment
Before we begin the main event, I have decided that I’m going to try and include a few items every week that I either genuinely want or recently purchased with my own $$ in an effort to be more consistent with my affiliate links without being a total monster and compromising the quality of my blog, most of which is, as you know, centered around more abstract content and secondhand or DIY buys. I will always provide rationale for my recs and they will never be behind a paywall—even just clicking them helps me in my efforts to start getting free stuff from companies I’ve been giving free PR to for going on 5 years now, so your attention is much appreciated (and the stuff I’m including is actually cool and/or useful—no $890 fuckass jelly flats here, thanks)!
Salt & Stone sent me a few of its best products—I already knew I liked Bergamot & Hinoki and Santal & Vetiver from smelling them in a PDX boutique, but the thing I like best about the brand is that it offers discovery sets for everything, not just its mists—I’m talking a deodorant disco set, a body wash disco set, and a ton of other mix-and-match sets that are both perfect for the incoming gifting season and great for trying before committing to a $36 body wash (though I can attest to its quality—it’s spa-like being in a shower with that in use).
I recently bought a used old Crosley radio and have immediately fallen into having it on every single second I’m in my room, always tuned to Portland’s best channel, 89.1 for some freaky jazz. I’m impressed with the brand so far (I’ve owned two record players and this radio from it) and love this weird design. It’s also not a bad price—I got mine for $27 with my employee discount consigned, and this one is brand new for less than double that.
While I wait with a goddamn gurning jaw for the restock of this Chunks clip…
…I’m relying on a Baby Nimbus to get me through the days. Once you start using Chunks, you truly can’t go back to drugstore hair clips, it’s honestly sad. I’ve had this one since the last time my hair was this long, about three years ago, and the fact that I haven’t thrown it away or broken it in my many cross-country moves is truly a testament to its craft.
Drawn-on mustaches
I wore a drawn-on mustache for my Halloween costume (I was Kim Kitsuragi and my boyfriend was Harry DuBois from Disco Elysium) and I got five or six compliments on it in my hours of work that day, most from older women. They were probably being facetious, but I think some of them were also envious, as they should have been—I felt amazing with two thin tufts drawn just over my lips. I had actually already listed this ‘trend’ in this draft before Halloween, but now I’m all the more convinced that the thing that makes John Waters so sexy (which I was also reminded of on Halloween via this classic PSA, played before Rocky Horror at the Clinton Street Theater) can also make the rest of us all the more sexy if we dare pick up the pencil (or liquid eyeliner) and take lip liner to a braver level.
Layered ties
I take a lot of inspiration from the Sapeurs of the Congo. These are people who identify with “La Sape,” an abbreviation for “Société des Ambianceurs et des Personnes Élégantes”—essentially, an apt appropriation of colonial style into a sick version of Black Dandyism rooted in anti-colonial revolutionary culture. Disappointed I didn’t see any layered ties at last year’s dandy-themed Met Gala (maybe I missed them?), because they provide such a fun opportunity to play with color, either by using them to mimick something like a flag (what I believe the man in the first photo is doing with the Congo’s) or by paying with color in inventive ways, almost like juxtaposing paint swatches as in photo #2.
Disembodied hands
Recently, we’ve seen a lot of human parts on runways and in street style, most notably hair (which I did happen to predict over a year before its surge), and I think the next big trend in para-body horror will be the use of disembodied hands as accessories. Whether dramatic, literal, and grotesque like Polish designer Anita Zmurko-Sieradzka’s headpiece above, or more subdued like a pair of mittens hanging around the neck or sewn onto a jacket as five-fingered pockets (think this but an actual human’s glove not as a print but as a functional pocket)…
…the hand will have its day in the sun. Maybe even the arm, too, if everyone suddenly gets really into my favorite movie…
Helmets
I feel like fashion will become more and more about protecting the body as we all become less and less able to afford basic healthcare—keeping your brain in your skull should be a priority in the coming years as we can’t trust any world leaders to do the same (not a JFK joke), so wearing helmets even more often than just when riding a bike should become a new norm. Of course, this means helmets must evolve to be more beautiful, though they have a certain charm in their clunkiness. Even just accessorizing them with little attachments can be adorable, as above.
Is it just me, or did you do a double take thinking this was Princess Di? Nope, just a regular ol’ fashion week attendee.
This ski bonnet by Lara Kluczynski is a shockingly beautiful prototype—it almost looks like an animal on a merry-go-round with its airbrushed, molded surface.
Why did the medieval trend stop with chainmail? Why not bring segmented, hinged metal helmets to the fore?
AlexanderHiTek on Etsy has got us with the bizarro, futuristic accoutrements. Please scroll through this shop—it’s incredible.
Even a clear retro-faux-astronaut helmet might be fun (and serve a double function as a “mask” during flu season).
Knee pads
Speaking of protective gear, when I saw Gigi Hadid repurposing Zendaya’s Dune costume for Vogue World, I thought about how the knee is under explored terrain for fashion and we are bound to get some knee accessories soon. Why not ones that double as armor? Or, in the case of some of the pairs sold by this cute little showgirl/adult dancer (?) brand I discovered, Jackalope Land, assault weapons?
Button clusters
I believe this sweater is just this overpriced number by Fursac styled punkishly for the runway, but this is just about the easiest DIY of all time—for this look, make sure all the buttons are approximately the same size and shape, but color clashing is good. You can also go more rock n roll with varying shapes and sizes:
This is especially good on denim (and the fabric will hold up under the stress of all the punctures better than most others):
Buy a few lots of vintage pins on Etsy or eBay for a fun roulette—you get what you get and you don’t have to spend a ton of time scouring thrift stores for individual buttons, though doing that would add a lot of sentimental heft to the project.
Fuchsia hair
Tarina Tarantino’s videos have popped up on my FYP a few times these past few weeks and man, does her life ever seem perfect—an enormous wardrobe, a ton of under-the-radar business successes under her belt, a hot husband of 25 years who dresses almost as well as she does—but her shock of fuchsia hair is what makes her so memorable to me. I especially love how it looks unstyled in natural curls, a little frizzy—makes me sad I’ve sworn off hair dye for the foreseeable future. Here’s a video about her history with the hue. Seeing multiple FRUiTS girls with similar shades sealed the deal in my mind that fuchsia is going to be the next blue hair (pronouns optional).
Knee socks over jeans
I believe skinny jeans are due to swing back on the pendulum of style, but not styled how they were in the aughties with ballet flats and converse, but instead tucked into boots and snuggled into leg warmers or even just knee or thigh-high socks. Make SURE the sock is a thicker fabric than the jean—no sad sausage casing looks here—and preferably a wide rib-knit. This look is PERFECT with a biker jacket or bomber, both of which should hit you at a slight crop if they’re authentic to the respective styles. I promise you don’t have to be Bowie to make this look cool as fuck (though maybe also take a cute from the shirt collar layered over the leather jacket collar—too cool).
Cardigans with only the very last button fastened
Jackie Gleason looks fucking cool here, ok? We’ve tried buttoning only the top button of a cardigan, now it’s time to only bottom the very last one. The dramatic V shape it creates is very fun to play with, color-blocking wise, and is conducive to framing accessories like ties and necklaces. Bonus points for dressing like the middle-aged man version of Georgia Nicholson’s Halloween costume (IYKYK).
Berets but cool
Black Dandies and riffs on the subculture once again inspired me here, as did Robin Williams and the late Senegalese artist Issa Samb, all of whom rocked berets with absolutely NONE of the Emily in Paris cheuginess the word calls to mind. The tric is, I think, to find EITHER/AND:
a) A beret with a defined band circling the head, preferably leather
b) A patchwork beret
c) An extremely wide beret that completely circles your head (best for those with big hair)
d) An extremely small beret that perches on your head at an angle in a color that’s NOT black (best for those with short hair)
You can see all of these exemplified above—basically, we’re trying to look like a revolutionary attending a clandestine midnight book club in a bar’s basement, not like Jeremiah visiting Belly cosplaying as Carrie visiting Big (unpack THAT one, I dare you). Bonus points for adding a button (or…dare I suggest…a cluster of them???).
Thank you so much for your continued support as I try to get back into the swing of things. So much love and appreciation to you.
<3 ESK
Walked in ill prepared for the swagger concentrate this post was packing‼️‼️‼️