I Am So Bad at Interior Decoration
Point and laugh as I learn why dressing a room isn't as easy as dressing a body.
Up front, you already know this if you know Iiterally anything about me, but fuck ICE forever, abolish all police and prisons (yes, even for violent offenders, read Until We Reckon for a much more eloquent and brilliant argument than I could ever present here), and rest in both peace and power to the martyrs leagues braver than myself whose names will go down in history as the best of us but shouldn’t have had to go down at all. Fashion and beauty writers who have been silent for the past six years (and yes, I do actually think that posting shit on Instagram stories is helpful in that if following taste-makers and peer pressure is what it takes for people to develop a conscience and class consciousness, so be it) are so deeply embarrassing, pathetic, and disgusting, and it grieves me that with my minimal power, influence, and resources I can’t be more loud and specific about who deserves our ire. If you’re reading this and you do have that ability—please do it. Unfortunately, shame is a necessary tactic in this industry so plagued by image and frivolity, and again, if anti-fascism and abolitionism will be bolstered by becoming fashionable (or the adverse becoming unfashionable), I can’t see why it shouldn’t. It’s such a deeply beautiful and powerful and humane constellation of ideologies that even if someone is introduced to them through shallow or aestheticized means, it’s likely to take root in their heart in a genuine, constructive way. I’ve seen it happen many a time, and those people are just as valuable to the resistance as people who were reading Emma Goldman in 10th grade (kudos to my high school boyfriend for lending me my first radical readings). Anyway, here’s blog!
Hallou! Ok, mourning period for getting suplexed by the Universe is over, now interior decorating is my new best friend.
N.B. If you have ANY ideas whatsoever for a full or part-time job I could do, please respond to this email with leads—I am really, truly ready to use my writing and editing to make myself a decent living, whether that be through glorious editorial position, a hack role at a tech startup, or writing emails as the office manager of a sketchy nonprofit (again). I am trying to steer clear of the service industry unless I am working for a boss who isn’t clinically evil and has chosen me as their punching bag. That is to say, I’ll do anything, but if it’s not writing or editing, I really want to be doing it with decent people. I know that’s a huge ask in today’s economy, but what can I say, I dare to dream. Anyone who helps me find a job gets free lifetime Esque and a brilliant care package.
Anyway, back to interior decorating—man, this shit is hard. I haven’t had a room that has felt lovely to me since the beginning of Covid, and since then I’ve moved so many times I haven’t been able to build up the requisite stock of furniture, tchotchkes, and curiosities that make a room a palace. Also, I’m currently living in a glorified walk-in closet—no, seriously, I recently had to hang a curtain to hide the open-faced storage area that takes up an entire wall of my room, the wall my bed faces, so the one I’m staring at the entire time I occupy it. No matter how organized I keep it (which, usually, is not very), having to witness every single one of my possessions at all times got really claustrophobic-feeling and grating, but the Ikea curtains I chose (the only ones compatible with the railing installed by our building manager), though they match my desired color scheme. are wrinkly plastic and almost as depressing as the mess they hide.
The other huge problem with my room is that it gets next to no direct sunlight. I’m talking I get a square foot for half an hour a day, and that’s only when the weather is unseasonably kind as it has been this past week in PDX but I suspect it will not be going forward. My single “window” is a sliding door that opens up to a tiny corridor between houses and gets so little sun that during the summer I dragged some cracked old mirrors I found on the street to try reflecting some rays into my abode. In the winter, the sun is too low for even that pathetic plan. I have realized through this how essential two things are for a room: hidden storage space and LIGHT (I’ve always been a sun-hound—I suffer every winter, but even getting light filtered through a cloudy sieve is better than being trapped in a hidey-hole). I just saw Sinners for the first time and literally the only facet of vampirism I’d take issue with is not being able to bask in the sun. Other than that, I’d let the whole cast bite me at once, why the hell not.
I am trying my best to make do with what I have now room-wise, as dreaming of a better living space hurts almost as much as dreaming of a decent job and a country that doesn’t flagrantly murder people in the streets. Below are some inspiration photos I’ve collected on a Pinterest board (linked under the fold), why each speaks to me, and how I’m attempting to apply their merits to my non-ideal habitation. Tips, visions, and feng shui advice much appreciated in the comments or in my DMs. May the Universe bless you all and may you latch on to something less damningly expensive than interior decorating as your coping hobby.
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THANK YOU for being here, and I am always available @that.esque on Instagram for sartorial scandals/situations/summons. Here is a little preview of what’s below the paywall:
Sellout Segment
Before we begin the main event, I have decided that I’m going to try and include a few items every week that I either genuinely want or recently purchased with my own $$ in an effort to be more consistent with my affiliate links without being a total monster and compromising the quality of my blog, most of which is, as you know, centered around more abstract content and secondhand or DIY buys. I will always provide rationale for my recs and they will never be behind a paywall—even just clicking them helps me in my efforts to start getting free stuff from companies I’ve been giving free PR to for going on 5 years now, so your attention is much appreciated (and the stuff I’m including is actually cool and/or useful—no $890 fuckass jelly flats here, thanks)!
Out of every single product I’ve ever recommended on this blog, I cannot emphasize enough that a candle warmer is the best. After an errant wick blasted my white wall (and a card my dead grandma once sent me) with black smoke that won’t come out no matter how hard I scrub, I realized I couldn’t fuck with burning candles in my room anymore. Now, each candle I own (even the nearly-spent stubs) will last for, I estimate conservatively, a year or more, making them feel less like disposable junk and more like investments in hours upon hours of beautiful room-dwelling. A candle warmer is the only way in hell I’d ever (when I’m not, uh, unemployed lol) buy one of those insanely expensive candles from Diptyque or whatever. Honestly, it feels like the scent projection is even stronger with the warmer than while burning. I use mine every single moment I’m home and feel an almost religious need to proselytize their use to you all.
Now that I’m a Snif “Ambassador” (lol) (here’s a link if you want to join, it’s fun and I racked up a ton of points really quickly), I have earned a gluten of free stuff, most excitingly this Mornings at Levain candle that, thanks to my candle warmer, I plan on using to make my room smell like a bakery for decades to come.
Unfortunately, the teeny tiny Freck brand pen is the best in the game (that I’ve tried). I don’t feel embarrassed to wear them in public, and their staying power is shockingly impressive (just don’t sob for 30 min and expect them to stay in place and don’t ask me how I know that. Though, even when they are partially sobbed off, they’re natural looking enough that it doesn’t look awful, so I guess it’s ultimately a plus). Make sure to do the tap tap tap once you’ve applied them, and try pressing down on the brush from various angles to vary the shape of each dot a bit.
Ugh. I got totally seduced by the brand Half Magic while I was last at Ulta for a Snif Ambassador thing (lol), and this Blushing Lizard eyeshadow really is who she thinks she is. The ambiguous color, rich sheen, and creamy, finger-friendly application were all that was needed to sell me. I wore it on NYE which is why I have no pictures to show for it because they’re all with the person who dumped me at the stroke of midnight :-) and for a tad of gossip, know that I’d tried to dump him a month earlier and he convinced me not to :-) he wanted to feel “agency,” bless his heart :-) Anyway good eyeshadow!
I tried this on my hand (see below), and it glided on like a dream (I wish it were “glid”)—this will be my next purchase from HM.
This is also on my hand below, but it’s harder to see—I’ve been searching for a lip liner that doesn’t make me look like I’m cosplaying Shane Dawson circa 2008 (if you know… I’m sorry), and this might be the one. I LOVE double-duty products. I just got spooked because I obviously couldn’t try it in-store. Will report back when I inevitably try it.
Apparently this is Halsey’s brand? Lol, well, she snapped! the two bigger smudges on my hand below are this eye paint, and let me tell you, it was like painting with acrylics. The most highly pigmented makeup I’ve ever seen. I love the Violet Beauregarde blues and Shrek green.
Okay, okay, on with the show! Things I like in rooms:
Wall stuff that isn’t flat (eg. pennants, match holders, sconces)
This room has three of my favorite things: non-white walls (though this shit-wipe brown is not exactly what my first choice would be), a little mirrored wooden sconce, and pennants. This picture reminded me that even if they’re a bit wrinkled or faded, pennants (IMPORTANTLY ones from places you’ve actually been/are important to you, though I do not begrudge anyone ordering them off eBay after the fact [I did]) are a freshening element to wall decor that’s so often flat and square or oval-shaped. The link below is an Etsy one, but the real deals are to be found, as I mentioned, on eBay, where I snagged nearly the exact OMSI one as below for less than half the price. A link below the fold reveals my source >:) I also went for a vintage Argentina pennant to honor my two years down undah plus a Rose Parade pennant for all the New Years Days spent with my dearly departed grandma watching it on TV.
This specific sconce gives me a sconer, and I’ll leave you to ponder what in the world I could mean by that. The large mirror taking up almost the entire wooden backing, the sizable shelf fitting multiple items, the dark, ruddy wood—it’s perfect. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find an exact dupe, but I’d actually suggest checking Etsy for the best deals on these. I like the ones that are just candle holders too, but the utility of a shelf (or even a box!) is much more alluring to me.
Matchstick holders serve a similar purpose in that they can house small items—keys, perhaps, or dried flowers, or the last pennies you’ll ever own, or heck, even matches, in an elegant and unexpected way that clutters up your wall with intention and a modicum of utility. They can be tin and printed with florals, or plain, dark wood, or painted wood…
If these are gone by the time you see them, I probably bought the,
