My Whole Life Fell Apart and All I Got Were These Really Supportive Sneakers
A quick dispatch from hell.
Hi guys. In the past week I got fired by an awful person and boss, realized my unemployment would not be enough to cover my rent, and then got dumped by someone I really love but knew things would never work out with in the long run (at the literal stroke of midnight on New Year’s, no less!). This year, I tried that pagan tradition of writing 13 wishes on paper and burning 12 betwixt solstice and New Year’s. The “theory” is that the 12 burnt wishes are released into the universe to be taken care of by powers beyond our control, while the 13th you have to take responsibility for yourself (my 13th wish was a boring, seemingly unachievable money-related long shot). I think I read the instructions wrong because while technically the traumatic events of the past seven days do further a few of the wishes I burnt into the ether, I was not prepared to be fully bodied by the fear, pain, grief, and loneliness that now jerk me around like a not-quite-up-to-code roller coaster. I am shocked I’ve even managed to write this paragraph, my fingers (and the rest of my body) feel so leaden. The pain is inside of my bone marrow. I swear this post includes fashion stuff, somehow.
Note: now that I’m officially unemployed and the process for collecting insurance is looking more and more Kafkaesque by the moment, I REALLY appreciate any job leads in PDX, NYC, or anywhere fun you can think of. Admin/office management is fine as long as the management isn’t wackadoo but I really goddamn want to write and edit. I know I can prove myself perfect for any editorial position if I’m just given the chance.
This is also an excellent time to subscribe to the paid tier of this blog for as little as $1.50/month or $15/year, and/or Venmo any amount to username em-sk with your preferred email as the note and I’ll set you up with a yearlong paid subscription. I am so, so indebted to all the friends and folks who have surrounded me with love and physical, emotional, and financial support this week and I promise with all my heart that one day, I WILL succeed enough to pay it back/forward.
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A very sad moment for me was yesterday when a package arrived: the sneakers my ex had taken me to get fitted for at a far-flung New Balance store where they measured my feet size and (apparently devastatingly flat) arches with a bewildering scanner just last week, though now it feels like eons ago. The guy at the store told me, when I asked for new Fresh Foams, that I needed to upgrade to their firmer model (as opposed to the cushier 1080s I wore until the soles were bald and useless) because of said fallen arches. I wore the shoes for the first time this morning out to shove a breakfast sandwich down my sickened gullet and they were, indeed, supportive, propulsive, and stable. The irony that they are the last vestiges of a relationship that did not quite fit those bills is not lost on me. Anyway, I recommend the shoes even though they’re pretty ugly because I have not yet been able to convince enough brands to send me free footwear for a deep investigative piece I’ve dreamed of for years now in which I finally discover orthopedic-quality shoes that aren’t hideous as sin. On that note…
Hoka is fully reheating Salomon’s nachos with bungee closures, sporty, crisscrossed detailing across the shoe body, and perversely cool colorways, but it seems that the shoes’ shapes and sole thicknesses actually lend themselves to people with tears, badly healed injuries, and connective tissue issues.
It’s a little on the nose, but I’m into it.
Can’t tell if I love or hate this colorway.
These might be good alternatives to Moon Boots for people who don’t have perfectly functioning bodies impervious to pain.
Well, in between writing the above and this my ex and I exchanged our respective things we’d left at each other’s houses and let’s just say I would not wish that pain upon my worst enemy. Luckily, the GOAT Snif came through this week with some delicious treats for me:
Syrupy-sweet but a little rough around the edges in a good way. Lasts FOREVER as it’s one of Snif’s few EDP-concentration fragrances.
Delicious, true marzipan opening with a gentle, honeyed musk dry down. I’ve worn it 24/7 since receiving, and it pairs great with Sweet Ash Super for added longevity.
I had already smelled the Off the Grid and Instant Karma candles, but I was especially impressed with Lost Claus, a festive but extremely sophisticated melange of cardamom, gingerbread, and vetiver. The projection of each tiny Votive is so impressive—they fill a whole living room/kitchen open concept situation after about five-ten minutes.
You already know how I feel about the pumpkin smash candles, but I was also pleasantly surprised by the apple cider—not too spicy, fresher than expected, crisp and cool and zingy. INSANE projection on both of these little guys.
Lastly, after hearing of my massive series of Ls, Big Bud Press freaking SENT ME AN $100 GIFT CARD with which I purchased 8 pairs of my favorite socks of all time. I’m especially excited for the royal blue.
Also, I bleached my eyebrows again and am planning on getting bangs soon. Whoopee.
Ok, well, I am having a hard time continuing to write without fully breaking down. I’m sorry this is a shorter post than usual and I love you guys for sticking around. If you have any job leads in PDX or NYC of any kind at all, please let me know. Or if you or someone you know wants to take me out on a date lol.
<3 ESK
as someone who was also recently fired by an awful boss/organization (two weeks before Christmas no less)— I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
I discovered your work a few weeks ago and have thoroughly enjoyed every post I’ve read. hoping to upgrade my subscription soon, but in the meantime, this NYC stranger is sending you a hug and a fervent wish that we find ourselves on the other side of this ASAP. 🩷 (and I’ll keep an eye out for any job listings as well!)
Oh you are so great! Your writing is fresh and true and your fashion sense hyper keen ,
everybody ought to send you stuff , for real ,
Maybe this year they’ll wise up ,
Would love to hear your take on most anything,
Keep going !!!